By Ian Coates

Last updated 11:22, Tuesday, 18 November 2008

I’d like to know who did it. Someone has been stealing my mind. They didn’t do it all at once because I would have noticed.

This has been very subtle. I think it began when the children came along 15 years ago.

I kept mixing the names up. It was difficult enough with two but when three and four came along I totally lost it.

I still find myself going through all four names and sometimes several others in a battle to get the right child.

Perhaps it’s a form of dementia, not the senile variety because I am not old.

I think what I have is juvenile dementia. Yes, the children have driven me mad. I’ll stick to that one.

It began with the names, and now it has progressed a little further.

Now and then I forget words or even singers.

Last week in a conversation with my eldest, I was trying to remember a singer and I virtually laid out her life’s history, several lines of certain songs she had sung and described her to the birthmark on her left forearm, but her name? Not a chance.

It was extremely frustrating.

And two days later it came to me whilst I was doing something unrelated in any way.

The final straw came on Saturday whilst shopping in the Co-op.

I went round the entire store, got to the checkout and then realised I had left my wallet back at home.

Red-faced, I admitted to my mistake and thankfully the cashier allowed me to return home for my money and then return to pay for my goods.

In my panic to retrieve my money I abandoned Sam in the shop as collateral and he had to listen to the stick aimed in my direction at my forgetfulness.

The Co-op ladies treat me very well, in four years it has happened three times.

I think they put it down to my blonde hair, but I swear I never used to be this way.

Or did I? I forget.